Are you driven to hide or driven to THRIVE?

Motivational Monday

I was 8 years old and terrified. It was time for me to go to the dentist and I didn't want to go. I hid under my bed and stayed quiet. I just knew the dentist was going to do something horrible to me.

If I remained silent, my mother wouldn't find me, and the appointment would go away, right? No such luck. My mother found my hiding spot, grabbed my ankles and pulled me from my protective confines. Grasping at toys, clothes and dust bunnies, there was nothing to protect me from what was to come.

I feel this way even today. The fear of what's happening to me medically often triggers my inner desire to hide under the bed in silence. But even if I hide in fear, I'm left under that bed, in the dark...all alone. And THAT can be the scariest time of all.

Fear can lock you into a state of insecurity, but it will NOT leave you powerless. You remain in control over how you choose to handle it. You can let your fear steer you under the bed, or you can steer your fear through your obstacles. No one ever became great by letting fear steer their life.

Yes, fear causes anxiety, stress and anger - and that doesn't feel good. I have watched people in my life waste way by hanging on to these feelings. I know that if they would let some of this anger go, they would live a much happier life.

My appointment with the dentist when I was 8 yrs old was not that bad....in fact, by filling the cavity, I avoided a tremendous amount of pain later. That day, It took my mom to help me beat my fear, even as I went kicking and screaming. Now, I'm stronger, and I have people to help remind me of the consequences of fearful paralysis.

Even as I experience extreme fear, I am experienced enough to know that hiding from what I fear, letting fear steer my path in life, will drive me straight into pain. The pain of not enjoying my children or not living long enough to meet my grandchildren. The pain of a life unlived, under cover of isolation and darkness.

Sure, I occasionally have to be dragged out kicking and screaming. But over the years, I have become more willing to instead reach out my hand to those around me who want to lift me up and out of my fear. I look through my fright for the sight of solutions. I will not allow my fear to drive me no matter how hard it pulls at the wheel.

Fear is no small topic - and I have thousands of words left to write. And I'll get around to it. But, if you'll excuse me for awhile, I've got a dentist appointment to get to!

NF has NOTHING on Rachel

Thriving Thursday

I know I said I was taking a break from blogging, but I wanted to share with you a story about Rachel.

Rachel is my 6 yr old daughter who has NF1. Neurofibromatosis has affected our family in many ways. We seem to always have appointments with doctors, or MRI's to go to. It has definitely been a roller coaster ride.

NF1 has affected Rachel's growth in a BIG way....or small way. She has always been tiny. Born at 6 pounds 6 ounces, she has stayed in the 5th percentile her entire life.

Diagnosed with NF1 at 3 months old, Rachel has never let anything stand in her way. She came out of me, quietly, never crying....just taking everything in.

I remember looking over at her, right after she was born. The nurses were trying to get her to cry, but she didn't. Relaxed and breathing fine, she just looked right back, as if to say, "whew, mommy, we did it!"

Today, still in the 5th percentile--weighing barely 35 pounds, she is feisty and doesn't let her size slow her down. While the other kids tower over her, she knows how to stand up to them. It's amazing to watch!

Rachel's school had a Veteran's Day concert....the kids all sang great tribute songs, and little Rachel's voice carried over everyone else's :)

There was a boy standing next to her who was being less than cooperative...So Rachel gave him a shove to get him back in line. The boy just looked down at Rachel and up at him, then put her hands on her hips as if she was scolding him. It was quite a site....and the boy quickly turned around and did what he was supposed to do! That's my girl!

She may be small, and she may have NF....But this girl doesn't let that stop her! I pray she keeps this feisty spirit...it will help overcome all her obstacles!

So my Thriving Thursday, is my little "Daisy Girl"....She fills my heart with such joy, and she teaches me to never let anything stand in my way, or slow me down.

I love you Rachel Daisy!

Happy Veteran's Day!

To all who have served and to all who are actively serving..

God Bless You!

I especially want to thank my own brothers!

I love you Jay and Kyle!

Turn-it-Around Tuesday

(Today I have asked my husband to donate a post for Turnaround Tuesday. You can find his blogs at http://ChampionofChoiceChallenge.blogspot.com andhttp://SpeakandDeliver.blogspot.com. He doesn't normally blog for free. Let's just say I've negotiated payment.)

“I don't love you. I only love Mom.” Typical words from a 3 and 4 year old boy, I suppose. Tough to hear, though. “Don't kiss me! Wipe off, wipe off!” - more words wielded by my youngest son, who wipes IN all of mommy's kisses. Even one morning, when things seem good, and little Riker is dozing off between Kristi and I, and I kiss him, whispering “I love you” - he whispers back “wipe off” - comical if it wasn't so hurtful.

It seemed like Riker just woke up one day hating me. I didn't understand why. He would act as if I didn't exist. For 10 straight months he treated me like a stranger. When Kristi talked to him, he would say “I only love you” and “Daddy yells at me”. Did I yell at him? Yep – him and the 5 other kids, too. Frankly, yelling is pretty common in this house, with our stress level, even by his mom. We don't like it, but I was hardly alone in my penchant for hollering.

Still, I worked extra hard not to yell at him. I took just him out to the store. I played video games with him. He'd have fun in the moment, but always revert to “I don't love you.”

One of the reasons it hurt so much was that I had no relationship of any quality with my own father, and was determined to have a strong relationship with him. I love our older son, Braden as well, but that relationship is very different, as he is torn between me and his biological father. Braden's other issues also get in the way of a deep, emotional bond. We're working on it, though.

I don't know if Riker knew how much he was hurting me, or if he just couldn't wrap his head around loving both parents. Maybe both. But it was killing me – as bad as so many other things going on in our family have been, this was a crusher for me – Riker thought I was a bad dad.

About six weeks ago, we started to see some chinks in the dam. Riker loved to play chess, and I'm the chess player of the family. So I made a vow that whenever he asked, I'd drop everything and play. First thing in the morning, in the middle of work (I work at home, but still, a distraction), even late into the evening. We played game after game – at four years old he can play a full game from start to finish. He can't win, but he can play. I quickly learned that he's not like Riley, who doesn't care if she loses. Riker has to WIN! But you can't always let him win, because sometimes he wants YOU to win. I finally started asking him before we played who should win the game – him or me.

At family meetings, he started saying the best part of his day was playing chess with me. He started hugging me, voluntarily, before bedtime. When I kiss his forehead, he actually says “wipe in”. Tonight, just as I started this blog post, the final wall went down. I asked him to get me a pop. He brought over, saying “You drink 7 million 6587435 of these every day!” I told him that's exactly how many times I love him. He smiled and turned to go, and then turned back: “I love you 100 infinity, and that's MORE”.

If that's not a turnaround Tuesday, I don't know what is. How do you explain this turnaround? Is he just growing up? Did I suddenly become a better Dad? Do I yell less? Yes, on all counts. If you're looking to make a turnaround, its important to understand the problem. It's vital to change behaviors. But it often must be done over a period of time. If your turnarounds aren't happening fast enough for you, remember to keep the faith. Make adjustments. Keep moving forward. In the end, turnarounds are always worth the wait.

----Thanks for the post! We all have things to work on, but I think personal relationships are the most important. A seed cannot grow, without soil, water and sunlight. Riker is growing to understand that things happen that are out of his control. I'm happy this "turn-around" happened :)

"Any man can be a Father but it takes someone special to be a dad." -- Anne Geddes

Motivational Monday

What Motivates Me?

I've been emailed a few times about my blog, and about the way I have chosen to look at my life with Neurofibromatosis. Most of the comments I receive are very positive and I appreciate that so much. But there are few who question my positive choice. I'm not sure if they don't believe I actually live like this, or if they have so much negativity in their own life, that they just feel the need to spread it around.

I know all about Neurofibromatosis. I know about the brain tumors, loss of vision, loss hearing, chronic pain, scoliosis, body tumors, headaches, dizziness, learning disorders.

Even with all of that....I dream. I care about all the little things in life, that make life worth living. I believe in miracles. I believe in laughing when you are sad, and crying when you are happy.

Everyone has the power of choice, so why not use it for something that will propel you forward? If your life is spent focusing on the negativity, that's exactly what your life will bring you. NF sucks, there is no doubt about it. Give the power of your mind a chance to fight this disorder. Changing your perception of something doesn't change the something, but it does change the events around the something....It can make dealing with NF a little easier--who wouldn't want that?

The challenges we face in this life, build our character. The challenges reveal our strengths....or our weaknesses. Shakespeare wrote, "There is nothing good nor bad but thinking makes it so." Changing the way you choose to focus on your challenges can make the difference in if you are Thriving...or just Surviving.

Tonsils

Open WIDE!

Today I took Bailey into the hospital to have tonsil/adnoid surgery. The doctors also put in ear tubes in.

Poor Bailey has had to deal with so much pain over that last few years. We FINALLY found a DR. who listened! (Imagine That!)

The surgery was sooo fast, and Bailey did amazing! She is dealing with quite the sore throat though.

We stocked up on yogurt, ice cream, apple sauce and bananas. And I'm thinking she is enjoying the attention. :)

We saw her tonsils, after the surgery and they were some of the worst the doctor has seen. VERY infected and BIG! :( I felt bad that we hadn't pushed harder, earlier.

Anyways ... She is home and resting....and she has 5 brothers and sisters, to wait on her hand and foot.

My Thriving Thursday is for my little girl....so brave! She was so afraid of the surgery, the IV....but she pushed through it. She did not let her fear take her!!

I love you, Bailey Boo! You are my brave young woman!

(((((BUG HUGS))))

Love,

Mommy

A Whatever Wednesday

My oldest daughter is going in for surgery tomorrow. She is getting ear tubes, and tonils/adnoids removed. *fun fun*

I will be taking a little break from blogging....With all the medical stuff and the holidays coming, I am feeling a bit overwhelmed.

I want to be able to provide quality stuff for you guys, and I feel like I am slipping a little.

Don't worry....I will be back and better than ever!

XXX

Kristi

I always get a kick with the Guinness Book of World Records....It's amazing what people will do, to get their name in the book!

Here are a few of my favorites:

Have a GREAT Wednesday.

SMILE!