Happy Veteran's Day!

To all who have served and to all who are actively serving..

God Bless You!

I especially want to thank my own brothers!

I love you Jay and Kyle!

Turn-it-Around Tuesday

(Today I have asked my husband to donate a post for Turnaround Tuesday. You can find his blogs at http://ChampionofChoiceChallenge.blogspot.com andhttp://SpeakandDeliver.blogspot.com. He doesn't normally blog for free. Let's just say I've negotiated payment.)

“I don't love you. I only love Mom.” Typical words from a 3 and 4 year old boy, I suppose. Tough to hear, though. “Don't kiss me! Wipe off, wipe off!” - more words wielded by my youngest son, who wipes IN all of mommy's kisses. Even one morning, when things seem good, and little Riker is dozing off between Kristi and I, and I kiss him, whispering “I love you” - he whispers back “wipe off” - comical if it wasn't so hurtful.

It seemed like Riker just woke up one day hating me. I didn't understand why. He would act as if I didn't exist. For 10 straight months he treated me like a stranger. When Kristi talked to him, he would say “I only love you” and “Daddy yells at me”. Did I yell at him? Yep – him and the 5 other kids, too. Frankly, yelling is pretty common in this house, with our stress level, even by his mom. We don't like it, but I was hardly alone in my penchant for hollering.

Still, I worked extra hard not to yell at him. I took just him out to the store. I played video games with him. He'd have fun in the moment, but always revert to “I don't love you.”

One of the reasons it hurt so much was that I had no relationship of any quality with my own father, and was determined to have a strong relationship with him. I love our older son, Braden as well, but that relationship is very different, as he is torn between me and his biological father. Braden's other issues also get in the way of a deep, emotional bond. We're working on it, though.

I don't know if Riker knew how much he was hurting me, or if he just couldn't wrap his head around loving both parents. Maybe both. But it was killing me – as bad as so many other things going on in our family have been, this was a crusher for me – Riker thought I was a bad dad.

About six weeks ago, we started to see some chinks in the dam. Riker loved to play chess, and I'm the chess player of the family. So I made a vow that whenever he asked, I'd drop everything and play. First thing in the morning, in the middle of work (I work at home, but still, a distraction), even late into the evening. We played game after game – at four years old he can play a full game from start to finish. He can't win, but he can play. I quickly learned that he's not like Riley, who doesn't care if she loses. Riker has to WIN! But you can't always let him win, because sometimes he wants YOU to win. I finally started asking him before we played who should win the game – him or me.

At family meetings, he started saying the best part of his day was playing chess with me. He started hugging me, voluntarily, before bedtime. When I kiss his forehead, he actually says “wipe in”. Tonight, just as I started this blog post, the final wall went down. I asked him to get me a pop. He brought over, saying “You drink 7 million 6587435 of these every day!” I told him that's exactly how many times I love him. He smiled and turned to go, and then turned back: “I love you 100 infinity, and that's MORE”.

If that's not a turnaround Tuesday, I don't know what is. How do you explain this turnaround? Is he just growing up? Did I suddenly become a better Dad? Do I yell less? Yes, on all counts. If you're looking to make a turnaround, its important to understand the problem. It's vital to change behaviors. But it often must be done over a period of time. If your turnarounds aren't happening fast enough for you, remember to keep the faith. Make adjustments. Keep moving forward. In the end, turnarounds are always worth the wait.

----Thanks for the post! We all have things to work on, but I think personal relationships are the most important. A seed cannot grow, without soil, water and sunlight. Riker is growing to understand that things happen that are out of his control. I'm happy this "turn-around" happened :)

"Any man can be a Father but it takes someone special to be a dad." -- Anne Geddes

Motivational Monday

What Motivates Me?

I've been emailed a few times about my blog, and about the way I have chosen to look at my life with Neurofibromatosis. Most of the comments I receive are very positive and I appreciate that so much. But there are few who question my positive choice. I'm not sure if they don't believe I actually live like this, or if they have so much negativity in their own life, that they just feel the need to spread it around.

I know all about Neurofibromatosis. I know about the brain tumors, loss of vision, loss hearing, chronic pain, scoliosis, body tumors, headaches, dizziness, learning disorders.

Even with all of that....I dream. I care about all the little things in life, that make life worth living. I believe in miracles. I believe in laughing when you are sad, and crying when you are happy.

Everyone has the power of choice, so why not use it for something that will propel you forward? If your life is spent focusing on the negativity, that's exactly what your life will bring you. NF sucks, there is no doubt about it. Give the power of your mind a chance to fight this disorder. Changing your perception of something doesn't change the something, but it does change the events around the something....It can make dealing with NF a little easier--who wouldn't want that?

The challenges we face in this life, build our character. The challenges reveal our strengths....or our weaknesses. Shakespeare wrote, "There is nothing good nor bad but thinking makes it so." Changing the way you choose to focus on your challenges can make the difference in if you are Thriving...or just Surviving.

Tonsils

Open WIDE!

Today I took Bailey into the hospital to have tonsil/adnoid surgery. The doctors also put in ear tubes in.

Poor Bailey has had to deal with so much pain over that last few years. We FINALLY found a DR. who listened! (Imagine That!)

The surgery was sooo fast, and Bailey did amazing! She is dealing with quite the sore throat though.

We stocked up on yogurt, ice cream, apple sauce and bananas. And I'm thinking she is enjoying the attention. :)

We saw her tonsils, after the surgery and they were some of the worst the doctor has seen. VERY infected and BIG! :( I felt bad that we hadn't pushed harder, earlier.

Anyways ... She is home and resting....and she has 5 brothers and sisters, to wait on her hand and foot.

My Thriving Thursday is for my little girl....so brave! She was so afraid of the surgery, the IV....but she pushed through it. She did not let her fear take her!!

I love you, Bailey Boo! You are my brave young woman!

(((((BUG HUGS))))

Love,

Mommy

A Whatever Wednesday

My oldest daughter is going in for surgery tomorrow. She is getting ear tubes, and tonils/adnoids removed. *fun fun*

I will be taking a little break from blogging....With all the medical stuff and the holidays coming, I am feeling a bit overwhelmed.

I want to be able to provide quality stuff for you guys, and I feel like I am slipping a little.

Don't worry....I will be back and better than ever!

XXX

Kristi

I always get a kick with the Guinness Book of World Records....It's amazing what people will do, to get their name in the book!

Here are a few of my favorites:

Have a GREAT Wednesday.

SMILE!

FEARS

Turn-it-Around Tuesday!

Sometimes, the things you fear the most, can lead you to the greatest successes.

I get fearful all the time. With a disorder like Neurofibromatosis, your future (health wise) is so variable. I see pictures of people in their 50's-60's with NF and wonder if my fate is sealed. Will I still be able to "Thrive", when my body is consumed with tumors? One thing I have learned about fear; if you don't push through it, you will never overcome it.

Yesterday, I met with my Neurologist, to talk about the MRI and visual field test, that I had last week. Getting ready for the visit, I felt a fear inside me, that made me want to cancel the appointment. I was scared that I was going to get some life changing results.

I went, pushed the fear away, and sat as I listened to Dr. Rojas tell me that my MRI actually looked BETTER than the one I had in May '09. The enlarged ventricles were smaller, the brain tumor had not changed in size and there were no tumors on or around the Optic pathways. GOOD NEWS! My fears settled and I breathed a sigh of relief.

I really needed some good news. Life has been taking us on quite an obstacle course with all of the medical stuff going on. I had been feeling very overwhelmed with having so many doctors appointments, and exhausted and frustrated from not getting any answers....THIS was a good day!

I asked about my visual field test, but the Dr. had not received the results. Dr. Rojas promised she would call me, if the results of that, showed anything to be concerned about. I know there is SOMETHING going on with my vision....but it's not clear on what. (no pun intended)

I felt good when I left the doctors office. I was given an increased prescription for Topomax and was told to keep taking Lazic and Potassium.

We are giving this another 12 wks, before considering a shunt.

So my Turn Around is simply this -- Don't be afraid of your fears. That may sound cliche', but if you let your fears control you, you lose out on some pretty awesome things. The fears you have, show you that you are alive. Try to turn those fears into the energy that pushes you forward.

Accepting Reality

Motivational Monday

(Accepting Reality)

So much of my life has been wasted, trying to hide from my NF. I never wanted to accept the reality of it. I saw the pain it caused my mother, and I just wanted to close that door and forget it existed.

I would hear my mother praying to God, and get confused when she used words of anger and hatred. She blamed God for bringing this "curse" into our family. I vowed to never let myself get there.

I do hate having NF, and I hate the fact that I have passed this on to my children. But this is when I make a choice, to not get angry about it. I accept my reality and my future with Neurofibromatosis.

It's hard to accept reality. Sometimes it means facing your biggest fears. But when you learn to stand up and accept it, you learn to gain control over it. Once you gain control over your reality, you can change the world.

My reality is, that I have Neurofibromatosis. But that's not the end of me, that's just the beginning.